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faerie grrrl

a public post... questions about predicting death:

oftentimes when someone remarks that they think they're dying, they are. people can sense things like that, i think. but are they often wrong? you have to be pretty sure about an instinct like that to actually say it out loud, right?

does anyone out there have experience with someone they know predicting their death? or thinking they were going to die when they never did? my mother told me yesterday that she thinks she's dying. she is quite sick with a whole list if illnesses, but she has never, ever even hinted before about being so sick that she wouldn't make it. i'm sort of freaking out. my mom is my entire world. my best friend. the person i turn to whenever anything goes wrong. she knows all my secrets and she still loves me. i would be so lost without her.

if anyone has any words to offer or experience with this sort of thing, please let me know.

Comments

My mother is very ill as well. She has MS and has had some rough spells were she has mentioned and talked of her passing. Its scary and thats normal cause we dont want to harbor the thought of loosing them. If your mom is telling you this then its your job to check on her and maybe feel her out as to why she is saying this.

In either case its good that you and your mom are close. Her sharing these feelings with you can be seen scary but its also something positive as she is able to share it with you. Many parents are afraid to even consider it or speak it none the less share it. Be there for her and take some extra steps to make sure she is getting enough attention and help with her illnesses.

Love is powerful. It extends life. Give her all of your love.
thanks for your reply. love is powerful and i make sure to tell her i love her every time i talk to her on the phone, every time before i leave her house, etc. luckily, she only lives an hour away from my place, and i fill in hours at her office when she needs help- so i see her quite often.

i have spent the last three nights at her house. i have worked at her office all three days, and i sleep in her bed at night. sometimes i think it helps to revert back to childhood that way... it helps her to feel like she's taking care of me somehow- and she really is. she has been really lonely living without a man in her life, and it gives her purpose to know that she is still just as much of a mom to her kids, even though we're all grown now.

anyway, thanks again. your comments are always insightful and kind. <3
My father died 4 years ago, and he knew he was dying. Of course, it was hard not to know, as his cancer had progressed in a quite obvious manner. But he hung on, and hung on, and died on Father's Day, which happened to be the day after his Granddaughter's 2nd birthday. It was very clear to everyone that he hung on out of sheer will to see her turn 2, and after that, well, he sort of gave up.

That said, I don't know if people know they are dying, or if they just get tired of fighting at a certain point. I do know that I wish every day I had spent more time with him. I knew for years that I might wake up and not have a father, yet in my selfishness I chose to deny it, and convince myself that I could always talk to him the next day, visit him the next weekend.

So spent time with her. Talk to her about it. Help her when she needs it, and express your concern and love whenever possible. None of us can actively control the life of another human, but we can be there for them, and make whatever time they have better just by being there.

Hopefully your mother will be well, and this will all be for naught. But there is nothing wrong with spending time with your family, ill or well.
luckily, my mom lives only about an hour away from me, so i see her often. i also fill in hours at her office when i'm not working in milwaukee, so we even work together a couple times a week. and she knows there's no shortage of love radiating onto her. even when i'm not at her house or working with her, i call her at least once every day.. which means she hears me tell her i love her at least once every day. i do realize how important that is- perhaps now more than ever.

anyway, thanks for your reply. i can use all the suggestions people throw my way. <3
Yes nuture your mother, and yes, treasure the time you have to spend with her, but don't panic.

Just to show you it does happen, I have spent the last six weeks convinced that I was dying, to the point that I have mentioned it to several people, and even asked someone to look after Warren for me.

Then I had a physical. I'm fine. And I no longer feel like I'm dying.

Now, I realize this may not be the end of the story, but for now, let's take it as an example of an intelligent, self-aware person who is completely wrong about predicting her own death.

As odd as this comment was, I hope it helps.
thanks for the insight, karen. i love you. <3
My mother said the same thing to me years ago, and it's scary when they do- but my mother is still around, and while I know she's not in the best of health, mothers tend to worry about their mortality and whether they will be around for their children- to see them grow up and accomplish their goals in life. Like everyone else has said, tell her you love her. Love is stronger than death. She knows you love her and she loves you, this puts a person at peace no matter what their situation in life.

I hope everything turns out alright whatever the case may be.
hi this is onl 2 months late, because i recently stumbled onto your journal again, but i remember when i was pregnant with my daughter i had a horrible dream about being atttacked. 2 days later she was born prematurely and died... and although this is a far reach, my aunt was pregnant a long while ago and i had a dream that she was dead in a closet hanging from a coa hanger, she had had a miscarriage that night.