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meeeee

edit: i have now posted this as a public post so if friends of adrian wish to come here and get my side of things, they can. i only think it's fair for everyone to see my side of the story before they pass judgement on what all lead up to my phone call to the police today.


in response to a question posed, i will give a short version of things on the low-down with adrian and i... i'll just post it here for those who are left wondering. (and i'm not even getting too much into detail here):


If I were to venture a guess, it may be a misunderstanding about possessions not being split up appropriately. If I remember right though, I think her brother may have done most of the packing while Adrian was out in an effort to speed him out of the apartment. It would make sense that her brother wouldn't always know how to split thing up correctly. Also, I think a good portion of the stuff was put in storage, so it seems very possible some of her stuff may be in Adrian's storage without him even knowing it. If that's the case the solution seems pretty simple. Anyway, it would be unfortunate if this were all just a misunderstanding about things.


not quite. adrian tried doing stupid petty things while he was packing like taking certain spices off of my spice rack, claiming they were his... throwing all my clothes that were hung up in the closet on the floor because they "were on his green hangers".. taking dumb things i bought when i moved in, like the fucking toilet brush, of all things. he even took the toilet paper off the toilet paper holder, claiming it was "his fucking toilet paper." he also tried to take furniture that came with the apartment when i signed the lease. mind you, adrian lived there completely rent-free the whole time we were together-- almost a year. he borrowed hundreds of dollars on top of that from me which i never saw back.

when he got hired at us cellular, he signed me up on his share plan so i would get free cell phone coverage, as part of a way to pay me back. as soon as he was moved out, he cut off my phone, and i had to go through hours of hassle to get my phone back on- having to completely sign a new two-year contract and pay all the innitial sign-on fees again. it probably ended up costing me more in the long run for the short time i was on this plan than actually giving me a break on some of the cash.

when i told him i wanted him to move out (right after new years) he claimed he couldn't give me any money if he was to get another place, so i allowed him to stay longer, assuming i might get some of the thousands of dollars he owed me back. but no. it never happened. instead, he went out and bought a car, among many other lavish things that he could have lived without in order to get me back some of my cash. did i mention that my mom also paid $1000 of his past-due rent from the apartment he was living in before he moved in with me? yeah. she, of course, never saw that back either.

is this putting things into perspective at all? i could go on and on....

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What a fucking dick.

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and no one believes me because he has deleted all of my responses to his posts filled with lies, and has disabled the ability for me to post anymore.... it just fucking sucks.

but maybe this post will reach some of his friends and at least let them have a chance to see my version. and believe me, this is the short version of things.

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I'm glad I got your side of things. I usually wouldn't intrude by asking for such personal info, but I was seeing you lashing out at him and not seeing the motive and wanted to avoid passing judgement, spoken or unspoken, without at least hearing your side of things. Not that my opinion is particularly important or anything, but that doesn't stop me from having one. Reading this, I'm glad I didn't join in chorus of people voicing unflattering opinions of you. Try not to take there words to heart, they're reacting without taking the time to understand the situation. They probably think taking a half hearted shot at you is supportive to Adrian. It has more to do with the protective instinct people have for people they feel close to than it does you. If someone threatens someone your close to, the animal reaction is to defend the attacked, not to step back and say why is the attack occuring, is any of this justified. Anyway, your explenation is good. I'm glad you shared it. It's unfortunate that many folks will start flaming before wating to hear the other side out. Such is human nature. Under the circumstances you describe, your actions are make much more sense. I can relate to being a private person and I can understand not wanting to drudge up the past and air dirty laundry publically. Unfortunately sometimes you don't have much of a choice since not taking the time to defend yourself against an aligation can be perceived as an admission of guilt. Anyway... The social world is a mixed up place. I'm glad you took the time to answer my question and am sorry for prying. I'm also sorry for guessing at possible motives rather than wating for your explenation. I hadn't seen your reply to my comment prior to my second comment where I took to speculating. Anyway, I have a broken neck so it wouldn't be right to get mad at me. ;) Sorry for not spell checking this. Pain meds are kicking in and I'm looking very forward to sleep. My nightly reprieve.

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and i'm actually glad you took the time to ask. that's more than most anyone else did. i appreciate you listening to what i had to say, regardless of if you think i'm being "delusional" as adrian makes me out to be.

yeah.. i was in the hospital. and, in all honesty, i was there for reasons almost entirely related to the ending of our relationship. (though i don't intend in any way to blame him for my being there, or anything. the fact is, i was in rough shape.. enough that i didn't trust myself to not commit suicide if i wasn't checked into the hospital, and in the midst of all of that, he made things incredibly difficult for my family- who only wanted to get him moved out so he could move on and move out of my life.

thank you for being supportive and understanding. ....even taking the time to step back and try to understand means a lot to me during this rough time where it seems like i have no allies here.

ps- a broken neck?! my god, i'm sorry. i hope the meds ease your pain. <3

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I don't think your being delusional. What your saying sounds a lot more probable than you taking the actions you took without good reason. I haven't known adrian a particularly long time, but I could see where he's likely to struggle with money. He also tends to be pretty concerned with people's opinions him, so he probably wouldn't mention any of the stuff you brought up here. The money thing is usually no big deal in a friendship, but in a relationship it can turn into a dependency that will kill things in a hurry. In fact, now that I think about it, that's what killed my parents marriage after 30 years. It's not uncommon, and a lot of people get financially taken on much longer and more expensive rides before breaking ties, my mother being one of them. I guess what I'm saying is, don't get too down on yourself for allowing things to get to where they did.

Anyway, I'm glad your getting better. I remember having an episode that I rarely discuss and never discuss publicly. It was the worst time in my life. Significantly worse I think than having a broken neck. Looking at myself now, I realize that since then I'm constantly playing games with myself to keep my thinking traveling in chosen directions. It's especially apparent now as I work to keep my spirits up during my time as an invalid. At first the hole concept of so consciously directing things seems strange and maybe absurd. On the other hand though, you wouldn't go on a long sea voyage without a navigator. It seems that most people are raised to let their minds drift rather than being taught to pilot themselves. You see this in most forms of religion and new fangled "spirituality" where concepts like gods will, destiny and the static future really work to dis-empower people and encourage their tendency to drift. It's a weird philosophical tangent to get on in an lj comment. Anyway, choosing the more active approach to wellness was incredibly effective for me, though I remember at the time there was no shortage of charlatans and soothsayers trying to sell me all kinds of voodoo spiritual ca ca to set me strait. Anyway, I suspect you'll get it all sordid out in a year or so and will likely be bettered by the whole experience. It's sounds like your off to a good start.

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thank you. really. your response means a lot. <3

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Oh, one more thought. You may want to consider unlocking this post since many folks might come to your journal looking for your side of things. Not that you owe everyone in the world an explenation, but you certainly have the right to air your side of things.

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i'll do that.
Wow. I don't know you at all, so I feel kind of weird even commenting, but...I was going through the madison community today and was kind of struck by this. I went through a really similar situation this past year, being essentially demonized on LJ by my ex. Seeing the way he skewed events, and the way other people bought into it and formed really negative opinions...and knowing there was nothing I could really do to defend myself. It was one of the most painful things I've ever gone through, and it completely sent me into a depression. So when I saw your post...I just wanted to say I feel for what you're going through. It's incredibly frustrating, and unfair. It really, really sucks to have the usual crap of a breakup compounded by having it all held up publicly to be judged. Trying not to read it is *definitely* one of the smartest things you can do (I know it's really hard not to, though). It's awesome that you're standing up for your side of things. When I finally did it, I knew that in my case it wasn't going to do much good (hopefully yours is different), but it still felt so much better just taking the action of saying "there's more to it than that..." Anyway, it's infuriating, and saying "don't let it get to you" would be inane, because how could it *not*? But try not to let it take away too much of your joy. The people who'll judge you without knowing your side aren't worth stressing over, and everyone else will know enough not to take the story they're hearing at face value. I don't know if you've had to deal with anything like this before (for me it was a first), but once you come out the other side, you'll be so much stronger for it. In the meantime, though, I have to admit, it pretty much blows. I don't know if any of this is helping, but I thought it might make you feel better just to hear someone else say "I've been there too, and it *is* bad, and you have an absolute right to feel hurt, pissed off, emotionally devastated (you know, the usual), but don't worry because it gets better, and you learn a lot, and all that other cliche stuff that also happens to be true." So, that's all. You definitely have my sympathy, and I hope things get better for you soon. You seem like a pretty strong chick who doesn't stand for a lot of bullshit - much more so than I was, and I bounced back eventually - so I have a feeling things will turn out for you. Till then, just eat a lot of something expensive (I don't know, it works for me). Best of luck.

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it was a first for me, and i'll learn from it. i have to. i've gotta just move on and hope this doesn't happen again.

anyway, it was really sweet of you to come and offer your sympathy and let me know that you know what it feels like to be here. it's nice to know that there are complete strangers out there who will take time out of their day to listen to my whining and offer some good advice. thanks. <3
I'm sorry.

It hurts when people are wrong, and then when they're so caught up in being not-wrong that all their friends have to give a damn.

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thanks for caring. <3
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uhm... okay?

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by the way, do you even know adrian?

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by the way, do you even know adrian?

Yep! He sank my battleship :\.

(OK no.)