i'm just going to stop reading his journal, because he doesn't give me a chance to respond to the things he says, anyway. my mom told me all along that she thought adrian wasn't good for me.. that he was manipulative and good at switching things around to get you so confused that you start to question reality. i didn't listen because i loved him.
one night in particular sticks out in my mind where i was sitting at home (the apartment) while adrian was out drinking, and i just needed someone to talk to... someone to hold me and comfort me and make me not want to die. that's what a partner is supposed to do.
i sent him text message after text message pleading with him to come home.. saying i really needed him. he stayed for more drinks, stopped to get food, and rented movies, then finally returned home. when he found that i had cut myself up pretty badly, he said i was being manipulative, and i only did it to make him feel bad and get his attention.
i guess, in the end, he never really understood what any of my depression was about, and he was never really there for me when i needed him to be.
but i don't deserve to get worked up about this anymore, so i'm just ending it here. i'm glad the apartment is mine again (he was always mad that i considered it mine when he was staying there, even though i never saw a cent for rent money) and i'll be there alone.
but before i end, i've gotta share one funny thing... the one and only time adrian ever took me out to dinner the whole time we were dating, he ended up not being able to pay with a check and i had to foot the bill anyway.
there. enough. it's out of my system.
he's out of my life.
and i can start to work on healing my heart again.