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look away

i feel sick. sick from stress and all this cold. sometimes i wish i could just escape to somewhere remote and warm for a little while and just chill out.

i got a phone call from my psychiatrist today regarding some info i asked her about NA meetings in the surrounding areas, which ones are best, etc. i don't think that sobriety will be very tough for me, but it'll be nice to have a place where i can go to lean on people if i need it. who knows... i might start going to meetings on a weekly basis. it'll give me something to do... something to occupy my day.

and i'm going to start working out of my apartment. apparently my brother is working with over thirty clients right now, trying to get plans drawn up for them all, and things at the business are falling behind in the areas where i used to cover all of the slack. so i'll be able to design and update brochures, update the website, and do other random tasks from home and come in once or twice a week to work on getting things printed out and such. plus, i'll be making the same amount of money i was making before, so i'll actually be able to pay my (ridiculously expensive) rent. (not to mention the fact that this is necessary because i'm completely broke.)

i need routine. i need to stop sleeping all day. i need to get up at a certain time every day and take my meds, and do the same at bed time. otherwise my life will never start to piece itself back together. most of all, i just need to get adrian out of my mind and stop worrying about what he's posting in his journal. i know in my heart what did and didn't happen, as much as he wants to deny it, and that's all that matters. i have come to terms with the fact that i'll never get the money back he owes me, and he probably took things that weren't his when he left, too-- that's okay. it's over. and i need to stop stressing myself out over all the petty crap. i have someone wonderful in my life, and i need to focus my energy on that.

time will heal everything else.


I'm not interested in taking a side one way or another. It's none of my business.

I am interested in welcoming you back, though. Welcome back!
thank you. <3

Having been there

Hi -

I'm roommates with phoenixgeisha and warrenm, so I feel like I know you by proxy.

I just wanted to reassure you when it comes to money and stuff, you can replace it. One can make one's self sick with regret and anxiety over material possessions lost in a relationship. I'm not saying we don't need money and stuff, just don't lose your perspective. Think of what he took from you as gifts; better to think of yourself as generous than as a victim. If the worst thing you say about yourself in that relationship is that you loved too much, how can that ever be bad?

I'm sad with you that things are tough, right now, and I send to you my brightest hopes and best dreams for quick healing -
oh my god.

i cannot believe you sent me a valentines gift! having had a horrible night (see my latest post) this came as a huge, wonderful surprise. thank you so much. you're a doll!


Valentine's Day should be more about friends than lovers.

Your most welcome, faerie-girl. I wish it could have been more personal, but it was the only think I could think of that was (practically) immediate.

Take care of you.
you're a goddess. <3

that email brought tears to my eyes last night... it really, really meant a lot. so once again, thank you.